This is the condensed version. The others in the article were inaccurate.
Premature alts who considered Garden State a life-altering viewing experience.
Bar Mitzvah crashers.
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Girls who bought checkered sneakers in the 8th grade.
Hopelessly patchy beard growers.
TV On The Radio
Death Cab for Cutie
Girls who quote lyrics as their Facebook status.
People who don’t listen to enough music.
Bros who, at one point in their lives, have tried to grow a mustache.
Frequent transcendental experience havers.
Guys who bought kaliedscopes with their Chuck E. Cheese tickets.
People who expressed legitimate concern regarding the state of humanity when J.D. Salinger died.
Virgins, not in the name of God, but as a result of valiant attempts to achieve poetic justice